I hate waiting. And in most things I would not consider myself a patient person. But the funny thing about learning patience is that you don’t really have a choice. Usually the reason you are waiting is because you can’t do anything. We are accustomed to getting what we want, when we want it. I am not sure if that’s just an American mentality, or just basic to everyone. But I think times like that that are some of the most frustrating times in life. That is the situation I feel like I am in now.
After coming to Ethiopia for my internship, I expected to work as hard as I could to make a difference and be a part of saving peoples live. (That of course is the exaggeration of my mind). However, that is not the current reality. My current situation looks nothing like that. I am definitely in a time of waiting now. After all the expectations to “do something” and “make a difference”, it is a harsh reality to be in a place where I can do nothing but sit and wait. In fact, it’s been over two weeks of waiting. Waiting to find out what is going to happen with the situation here. Waiting to go on with the process and get the verdict. These last two weeks have been full of ups and downs, not knowing what the next day will be like. One day we think we will leave, the next we are convinced we are staying. Its physically mundane and emotionally a roller coaster. The other interns and I literally spent an entire week thinking “this is probably our last day here”. Then 24 hours later we realize nothing has changed, we are in the same situation saying the same thing, waiting for more direction and clarity.
All I want right now is closure. I am the point where I feel I don’t even care what happens, what the verdict is, I just want an answer so I can get on with my life. Times like this make me realize how hard it is to live in the here and now, in the waiting in the confusion, in the unknown. Because in the waiting, doubts rise to the service. I can do nothing but sit and trust God. And often the holes in my trust and faith come to the surface.
It seems much easier to trust God when we live life at normal speed. We have a direction and some clarity and a general idea of the future. We have some sort of purpose. (Even if it is small.) Times of waiting are not that simple. Often there is no direction, no clarity, and no idea of what the future holds. It’s the times when we have absolutely no idea what is happening. We feel as if we are not going anywhere. In fact we are literally stagnant; maybe emotionally or physically. There is little we can do to change the situation. Most people usually just say “just wait it out”. I don’t know if that is a very comforting thing. First, who knows how long that waiting will be? Second, there is no guarantee that the outcome will be better.
But I realized something the other day. God is in the silence. He is in the quiet and the waiting just as much as he is in the “normal times”. Realizing this does not of course change the fact that I have to wait, but it is a different perspective. It’s a perspective that changes the thoughts off of me and my future and focuses it on God and His plans.
I am convinced waiting is one of Gods favorite ways to build people into who He wants them to be. I know He does it with me. And I know He does it with other people. Just look at the Old Testament. Whether it is forty days in the dessert or forty years, God has people wait. And it’s in the waiting that He readjusts our perspective. His timing is never ours. He is so much more patience. And he is much more concerned with our character than what we can “do” for Him.
Sometimes we need to just rest. Waiting can actually be a joy rather than a burden when we use the time to focus on God and just enjoy His presence. And there is joy in His presence. God is a God who gives rest. But we so easily become anxious to do something. As if we need to earn His love. Why can’t we just rest and enjoy Him? He wants to love us. Waiting is not meant to be a punishment, but rather an opportunity and a joy to experience God more intimately.
I guess what I am saying is that in times of waiting, which I am well acquainted with now, the best thing do is enjoy His presence. What a blessing! How excellent is His presence. I realize more and more that I have only scratched the surface of how powerful and amazing and satisfying the presence of God is. Spending more alone time with Him has not given me any more answers, but it has given me comfort that He is good. He is with me. He has a plan and He is in control.
I am seeing more and more that God is a God of love. His loves to pour his love on us. His goal is not to take our love, but to give love. (After all we really have nothing to give in the first place. He is the only one who can really give anything, since after all, everything belongs to Him and is from Him.) Sometimes when we have no direction, He just wants us to step back from our normal life and just let Him love us, and enjoy Him. It is those times where we draw close in intimacy with Him. It is a strengthening for our future. And I have found that I cannot help but want to praise Him the more time I spend with Him and realize how great He is.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Don't Get Comfortable!
This last week in Ethiopia has been anything but normal. Last Saturday I finally arrived in Awassa where I was planning on being the rest of the internship. I was in Awassa getting used to the city and the work I would be involved with down there. Awassa is a beautiful town. Kind of like a tourist town in Ethiopia. It is located right by a large beautiful lake. It almost has the feeling of a tropical island town. I was living at the office compound, so there was not even a commute to work. Work was literally the room next to my bedroom. And the compound was just a minute walk from the lake. It was a great set up. Of course, as we all know, good things don’t always last.
On Wednesday evening last week I received a text from the country director saying that I needed to be back in Addis. There were few details, but I knew I needed to pack all my things and be ready for anything. So early the next I packed all that I owned (which I had just unpacked) and headed back to Addis with one of the other interns. We found out that the two other interns were being called back to Addis as well. Luckily our car ride was only four hours compared to the fifteen hour car ride the other two interns had. As we rode back we pieced more of the puzzle together.
There had been an incident previously of an individual who had an agenda against SP-Ethiopia. It started months earlier, but no one figured it would escalate to the scale it did. Unfortunately this man has many connections within the Ethiopian government. Last week we found out that all the international SP staff was in danger of being kicked out of the country. I don’t think any of us were really expecting to come to Ethiopia only to be deported. We interns spent most all of Friday at the immigration office debating with the government why we should be allowed to stay. Not to mention all the long term international staff had been there for the previous three days pleading their cases as well. It seemed straight forward that we were in the right and should be allowed to stay in Ethiopia. But it felt like they had an agenda against us and convincing them otherwise seemed just about impossible. No matter what we said, they had some case or complaint against us. It was more than frustrating.
In Ethiopia the government is already distrustful of NGO’s and foreigners. It does not help when a national intentionally sets out to bring down a specific NGO, like SP. In the midst of all the drama and headaches and stress, we are all learning very important lessons on how the world works. In America we are a democracy founded on due process, trials, and the right to be treated fairly (be very grateful of this). Well that is not the case in most of the world. Most of the world is run through relationships. Is not about what you do, it’s who you know. If you happen to know important people with power, or are someone with power, you have the ability to get what you want. If you don’t have power or influence, the chances that you can get what you want is very slim. I am not saying that America is perfect, but it is sure nice to know that most of the time we are given a much more fair trial. Still, I am realizing more and more than the world is not as fair, friendly, and forgiving as I thought it was growing up.
Of course, one of the biggest lessons in all this is trusting God. It’s hard to trust God when nothing seems to be going your way. I mean SP is here to save lives. We are trying to give food to the hungry and water to the thirsty. Why would God allow this to happen? It seems silly that one man could single handedly stop an organization from helping thousands of people. It does not seem fair. But then again, we/I don’t see the big picture. And the fight is not over. There is still hope in God. Trusting God does not mean that we always understand why something is happening. It is a decision in our heart to accept that He knows what is best even when we have no idea what is going on. Even when great situations turn terrible. It’s hard to trust. I loved the situation I had in Awassa before all this. Now I don’t even know if I am going to get to finish my internship.
Real life changes fast. I think that in American we search for comfort and security. To an extent we worship them. How many of us find security in a job, comfortable house, family? We want the most comfortable bed and the best home security system. As Switchfoot (a great band) said, “nothing is sound”. Nothing in this world lasts, nothing. Anything can change at any time. Have you really thought of that? At any time we can lose people we love or things we love, or even our own lives. That is a sobering truth. But we are so quick to settle and think our world is safe and ok. As I write this, one of the interns just found out his close friend from back home passed away. Life is not a guarantee. Where is your hope? If it’s in this world, you will be sadly disappointed when bad things happen. Isn’t that how life works? When everything is going best, something bad happens. Yet we continue to put our hope in our lives and circumstances. When in reality nothing in this world can be counted on. I don’t say this so that we live scared lives. I say this so that our hope and trust is in its proper place, in God. In John 14:1 Jesus says to his disciples before he is crucified, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.”
I think it’s dangerous when become too comfortable. We set up a false security that the world is a safe and perfect place. Well it’s not. The Bible says that the world is full of evil. It is full of people who neither know God nor seek Him. In fact they choose to persecute those who do know God. It’s in the midst of changing circumstances we must learn that nothing is safe and nothing is consistent, except for God. I have learned how precious and valuable it is to know a God that is always the same; a God that promises to never change and to always have the best interest of those who know Him. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28. I think one of the greatest promises in the Bible is when God says He will be with those who trust in Him. Those are encouraging words if I ever heard them.
While this situation still persists here with SP in Ethiopia. There is still hope. Not in our circumstances or the in the world, but in God. Why? Because I trust that He is in control. He has a reason for this. He will be shown through this situation. He asks us to be faithful to Him even when we don’t understand, even when the situations don’t look hopeful from a worldly perspective. Look at Jesus. He was not an ignorant optimist. He knew the world was filled with evil. Yet at the same time he was full of hope; not in the world, but in the Creator of heaven and earth.
With a looming court date this week and possibly being kicked out of the country, I am learning not to become complacent. Don’t get comfortable! This world is not a safe place. Anything can happen at any time. Nothing is a given in this life expect for God. Fortunately, He is a God of love and faithfulness. I am so glad that I know Him!
Posted:
This last week in Ethiopia has been anything but normal. Last Saturday I finally arrived in Awassa where I was planning on being the rest of the internship. I was in Awassa getting used to the city and the work I would be involved with down there. Awassa is a beautiful town. Kind of like a tourist town in Ethiopia. It is located right by a large beautiful lake. It almost has the feeling of a tropical island town. I was living at the office compound, so there was not even a commute to work. Work was literally the room next to my bedroom. And the compound was just a minute walk from the lake. It was a great set up. Of course, as we all know, good things don’t always last.
On Wednesday evening last week I received a text from the country director saying that I needed to be back in Addis. There were few details, but I knew I needed to pack all my things and be ready for anything. So early the next I packed all that I owned (which I had just unpacked) and headed back to Addis with one of the other interns. We found out that the two other interns were being called back to Addis as well. Luckily our car ride was only four hours compared to the fifteen hour car ride the other two interns had. As we rode back we pieced more of the puzzle together.
There had been an incident previously of an individual who had an agenda against SP-Ethiopia. It started months earlier, but no one figured it would escalate to the scale it did. Unfortunately this man has many connections within the Ethiopian government. Last week we found out that all the international SP staff was in danger of being kicked out of the country. I don’t think any of us were really expecting to come to Ethiopia only to be deported. We interns spent most all of Friday at the immigration office debating with the government why we should be allowed to stay. Not to mention all the long term international staff had been there for the previous three days pleading their cases as well. It seemed straight forward that we were in the right and should be allowed to stay in Ethiopia. But it felt like they had an agenda against us and convincing them otherwise seemed just about impossible. No matter what we said, they had some case or complaint against us. It was more than frustrating.
In Ethiopia the government is already distrustful of NGO’s and foreigners. It does not help when a national intentionally sets out to bring down a specific NGO, like SP. In the midst of all the drama and headaches and stress, we are all learning very important lessons on how the world works. In America we are a democracy founded on due process, trials, and the right to be treated fairly (be very grateful of this). Well that is not the case in most of the world. Most of the world is run through relationships. Is not about what you do, it’s who you know. If you happen to know important people with power, or are someone with power, you have the ability to get what you want. If you don’t have power or influence, the chances that you can get what you want is very slim. I am not saying that America is perfect, but it is sure nice to know that most of the time we are given a much more fair trial. Still, I am realizing more and more than the world is not as fair, friendly, and forgiving as I thought it was growing up.
Of course, one of the biggest lessons in all this is trusting God. It’s hard to trust God when nothing seems to be going your way. I mean SP is here to save lives. We are trying to give food to the hungry and water to the thirsty. Why would God allow this to happen? It seems silly that one man could single handedly stop an organization from helping thousands of people. It does not seem fair. But then again, we/I don’t see the big picture. And the fight is not over. There is still hope in God. Trusting God does not mean that we always understand why something is happening. It is a decision in our heart to accept that He knows what is best even when we have no idea what is going on. Even when great situations turn terrible. It’s hard to trust. I loved the situation I had in Awassa before all this. Now I don’t even know if I am going to get to finish my internship.
Real life changes fast. I think that in American we search for comfort and security. To an extent we worship them. How many of us find security in a job, comfortable house, family? We want the most comfortable bed and the best home security system. As Switchfoot (a great band) said, “nothing is sound”. Nothing in this world lasts, nothing. Anything can change at any time. Have you really thought of that? At any time we can lose people we love or things we love, or even our own lives. That is a sobering truth. But we are so quick to settle and think our world is safe and ok. As I write this, one of the interns just found out his close friend from back home passed away. Life is not a guarantee. Where is your hope? If it’s in this world, you will be sadly disappointed when bad things happen. Isn’t that how life works? When everything is going best, something bad happens. Yet we continue to put our hope in our lives and circumstances. When in reality nothing in this world can be counted on. I don’t say this so that we live scared lives. I say this so that our hope and trust is in its proper place, in God. In John 14:1 Jesus says to his disciples before he is crucified, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.”
I think it’s dangerous when become too comfortable. We set up a false security that the world is a safe and perfect place. Well it’s not. The Bible says that the world is full of evil. It is full of people who neither know God nor seek Him. In fact they choose to persecute those who do know God. It’s in the midst of changing circumstances we must learn that nothing is safe and nothing is consistent, except for God. I have learned how precious and valuable it is to know a God that is always the same; a God that promises to never change and to always have the best interest of those who know Him. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28. I think one of the greatest promises in the Bible is when God says He will be with those who trust in Him. Those are encouraging words if I ever heard them.
While this situation still persists here with SP in Ethiopia. There is still hope. Not in our circumstances or the in the world, but in God. Why? Because I trust that He is in control. He has a reason for this. He will be shown through this situation. He asks us to be faithful to Him even when we don’t understand, even when the situations don’t look hopeful from a worldly perspective. Look at Jesus. He was not an ignorant optimist. He knew the world was filled with evil. Yet at the same time he was full of hope; not in the world, but in the Creator of heaven and earth.
With a looming court date this week and possibly having to leave the country, I am learning not to become complacent. Don’t get comfortable! This world is not a safe place. Anything can happen at any time. Nothing is a given in this life expect for God. Fortunately, He is a God of love and faithfulness. I am so glad that I know Him!
On Wednesday evening last week I received a text from the country director saying that I needed to be back in Addis. There were few details, but I knew I needed to pack all my things and be ready for anything. So early the next I packed all that I owned (which I had just unpacked) and headed back to Addis with one of the other interns. We found out that the two other interns were being called back to Addis as well. Luckily our car ride was only four hours compared to the fifteen hour car ride the other two interns had. As we rode back we pieced more of the puzzle together.
There had been an incident previously of an individual who had an agenda against SP-Ethiopia. It started months earlier, but no one figured it would escalate to the scale it did. Unfortunately this man has many connections within the Ethiopian government. Last week we found out that all the international SP staff was in danger of being kicked out of the country. I don’t think any of us were really expecting to come to Ethiopia only to be deported. We interns spent most all of Friday at the immigration office debating with the government why we should be allowed to stay. Not to mention all the long term international staff had been there for the previous three days pleading their cases as well. It seemed straight forward that we were in the right and should be allowed to stay in Ethiopia. But it felt like they had an agenda against us and convincing them otherwise seemed just about impossible. No matter what we said, they had some case or complaint against us. It was more than frustrating.
In Ethiopia the government is already distrustful of NGO’s and foreigners. It does not help when a national intentionally sets out to bring down a specific NGO, like SP. In the midst of all the drama and headaches and stress, we are all learning very important lessons on how the world works. In America we are a democracy founded on due process, trials, and the right to be treated fairly (be very grateful of this). Well that is not the case in most of the world. Most of the world is run through relationships. Is not about what you do, it’s who you know. If you happen to know important people with power, or are someone with power, you have the ability to get what you want. If you don’t have power or influence, the chances that you can get what you want is very slim. I am not saying that America is perfect, but it is sure nice to know that most of the time we are given a much more fair trial. Still, I am realizing more and more than the world is not as fair, friendly, and forgiving as I thought it was growing up.
Of course, one of the biggest lessons in all this is trusting God. It’s hard to trust God when nothing seems to be going your way. I mean SP is here to save lives. We are trying to give food to the hungry and water to the thirsty. Why would God allow this to happen? It seems silly that one man could single handedly stop an organization from helping thousands of people. It does not seem fair. But then again, we/I don’t see the big picture. And the fight is not over. There is still hope in God. Trusting God does not mean that we always understand why something is happening. It is a decision in our heart to accept that He knows what is best even when we have no idea what is going on. Even when great situations turn terrible. It’s hard to trust. I loved the situation I had in Awassa before all this. Now I don’t even know if I am going to get to finish my internship.
Real life changes fast. I think that in American we search for comfort and security. To an extent we worship them. How many of us find security in a job, comfortable house, family? We want the most comfortable bed and the best home security system. As Switchfoot (a great band) said, “nothing is sound”. Nothing in this world lasts, nothing. Anything can change at any time. Have you really thought of that? At any time we can lose people we love or things we love, or even our own lives. That is a sobering truth. But we are so quick to settle and think our world is safe and ok. As I write this, one of the interns just found out his close friend from back home passed away. Life is not a guarantee. Where is your hope? If it’s in this world, you will be sadly disappointed when bad things happen. Isn’t that how life works? When everything is going best, something bad happens. Yet we continue to put our hope in our lives and circumstances. When in reality nothing in this world can be counted on. I don’t say this so that we live scared lives. I say this so that our hope and trust is in its proper place, in God. In John 14:1 Jesus says to his disciples before he is crucified, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.”
I think it’s dangerous when become too comfortable. We set up a false security that the world is a safe and perfect place. Well it’s not. The Bible says that the world is full of evil. It is full of people who neither know God nor seek Him. In fact they choose to persecute those who do know God. It’s in the midst of changing circumstances we must learn that nothing is safe and nothing is consistent, except for God. I have learned how precious and valuable it is to know a God that is always the same; a God that promises to never change and to always have the best interest of those who know Him. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28. I think one of the greatest promises in the Bible is when God says He will be with those who trust in Him. Those are encouraging words if I ever heard them.
While this situation still persists here with SP in Ethiopia. There is still hope. Not in our circumstances or the in the world, but in God. Why? Because I trust that He is in control. He has a reason for this. He will be shown through this situation. He asks us to be faithful to Him even when we don’t understand, even when the situations don’t look hopeful from a worldly perspective. Look at Jesus. He was not an ignorant optimist. He knew the world was filled with evil. Yet at the same time he was full of hope; not in the world, but in the Creator of heaven and earth.
With a looming court date this week and possibly being kicked out of the country, I am learning not to become complacent. Don’t get comfortable! This world is not a safe place. Anything can happen at any time. Nothing is a given in this life expect for God. Fortunately, He is a God of love and faithfulness. I am so glad that I know Him!
Posted:
This last week in Ethiopia has been anything but normal. Last Saturday I finally arrived in Awassa where I was planning on being the rest of the internship. I was in Awassa getting used to the city and the work I would be involved with down there. Awassa is a beautiful town. Kind of like a tourist town in Ethiopia. It is located right by a large beautiful lake. It almost has the feeling of a tropical island town. I was living at the office compound, so there was not even a commute to work. Work was literally the room next to my bedroom. And the compound was just a minute walk from the lake. It was a great set up. Of course, as we all know, good things don’t always last.
On Wednesday evening last week I received a text from the country director saying that I needed to be back in Addis. There were few details, but I knew I needed to pack all my things and be ready for anything. So early the next I packed all that I owned (which I had just unpacked) and headed back to Addis with one of the other interns. We found out that the two other interns were being called back to Addis as well. Luckily our car ride was only four hours compared to the fifteen hour car ride the other two interns had. As we rode back we pieced more of the puzzle together.
There had been an incident previously of an individual who had an agenda against SP-Ethiopia. It started months earlier, but no one figured it would escalate to the scale it did. Unfortunately this man has many connections within the Ethiopian government. Last week we found out that all the international SP staff was in danger of being kicked out of the country. I don’t think any of us were really expecting to come to Ethiopia only to be deported. We interns spent most all of Friday at the immigration office debating with the government why we should be allowed to stay. Not to mention all the long term international staff had been there for the previous three days pleading their cases as well. It seemed straight forward that we were in the right and should be allowed to stay in Ethiopia. But it felt like they had an agenda against us and convincing them otherwise seemed just about impossible. No matter what we said, they had some case or complaint against us. It was more than frustrating.
In Ethiopia the government is already distrustful of NGO’s and foreigners. It does not help when a national intentionally sets out to bring down a specific NGO, like SP. In the midst of all the drama and headaches and stress, we are all learning very important lessons on how the world works. In America we are a democracy founded on due process, trials, and the right to be treated fairly (be very grateful of this). Well that is not the case in most of the world. Most of the world is run through relationships. Is not about what you do, it’s who you know. If you happen to know important people with power, or are someone with power, you have the ability to get what you want. If you don’t have power or influence, the chances that you can get what you want is very slim. I am not saying that America is perfect, but it is sure nice to know that most of the time we are given a much more fair trial. Still, I am realizing more and more than the world is not as fair, friendly, and forgiving as I thought it was growing up.
Of course, one of the biggest lessons in all this is trusting God. It’s hard to trust God when nothing seems to be going your way. I mean SP is here to save lives. We are trying to give food to the hungry and water to the thirsty. Why would God allow this to happen? It seems silly that one man could single handedly stop an organization from helping thousands of people. It does not seem fair. But then again, we/I don’t see the big picture. And the fight is not over. There is still hope in God. Trusting God does not mean that we always understand why something is happening. It is a decision in our heart to accept that He knows what is best even when we have no idea what is going on. Even when great situations turn terrible. It’s hard to trust. I loved the situation I had in Awassa before all this. Now I don’t even know if I am going to get to finish my internship.
Real life changes fast. I think that in American we search for comfort and security. To an extent we worship them. How many of us find security in a job, comfortable house, family? We want the most comfortable bed and the best home security system. As Switchfoot (a great band) said, “nothing is sound”. Nothing in this world lasts, nothing. Anything can change at any time. Have you really thought of that? At any time we can lose people we love or things we love, or even our own lives. That is a sobering truth. But we are so quick to settle and think our world is safe and ok. As I write this, one of the interns just found out his close friend from back home passed away. Life is not a guarantee. Where is your hope? If it’s in this world, you will be sadly disappointed when bad things happen. Isn’t that how life works? When everything is going best, something bad happens. Yet we continue to put our hope in our lives and circumstances. When in reality nothing in this world can be counted on. I don’t say this so that we live scared lives. I say this so that our hope and trust is in its proper place, in God. In John 14:1 Jesus says to his disciples before he is crucified, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.”
I think it’s dangerous when become too comfortable. We set up a false security that the world is a safe and perfect place. Well it’s not. The Bible says that the world is full of evil. It is full of people who neither know God nor seek Him. In fact they choose to persecute those who do know God. It’s in the midst of changing circumstances we must learn that nothing is safe and nothing is consistent, except for God. I have learned how precious and valuable it is to know a God that is always the same; a God that promises to never change and to always have the best interest of those who know Him. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28. I think one of the greatest promises in the Bible is when God says He will be with those who trust in Him. Those are encouraging words if I ever heard them.
While this situation still persists here with SP in Ethiopia. There is still hope. Not in our circumstances or the in the world, but in God. Why? Because I trust that He is in control. He has a reason for this. He will be shown through this situation. He asks us to be faithful to Him even when we don’t understand, even when the situations don’t look hopeful from a worldly perspective. Look at Jesus. He was not an ignorant optimist. He knew the world was filled with evil. Yet at the same time he was full of hope; not in the world, but in the Creator of heaven and earth.
With a looming court date this week and possibly having to leave the country, I am learning not to become complacent. Don’t get comfortable! This world is not a safe place. Anything can happen at any time. Nothing is a given in this life expect for God. Fortunately, He is a God of love and faithfulness. I am so glad that I know Him!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)